This is how invisible was born. It was started over at Blazeministries site with two other blogs: Glen's Beyond Pixel Seven and Lorna's see-through faith.
It seems like ages ago, even if it's only 5 months.
Today I would probably write at least some parts of the text very differently, but the main message is still the same: Most of the time we don't understand God's ways, but in order to obey His will - to live our lives totally for Him - we must be also willing to take leaps that might seem very odd. He won't let us down, even if we accidentally take a wrong leap.
Where did the name come from? Actually Lorna gave it to me. She put into words - or a word - how I was handling my life: Trying to be as invisible as possible, in any given situation. And since it seemed to be the biggest barrier between me and God, I decided to harness it into good. Into the work God had given me.
At this site my name is written with a small e on purpose. That started from something else, but I like to keep it that way, because it reminds me that
He must become greater and I must become less. That's why I don't use capitals in the name of invisible, either.
My profile - or something like that - is here.
Out of Character
Written by eija
Wednesday, 09 February 2005
Glen speaks in Beyond Pixel Seven about being out of character - very conveniently exactly when I'm battling with the very issue on many levels. This is how God works. It is annoying, it is pressuring, it is haunting. Yet it is also relieving, while it gives me more courage to do what my heart desires: To obey God's will, to walk with Him.
All my life I've been shy, used to failures as well as crushing criticism from other people - mostly my own family. That has given me a deep need to be and also remain invisible. I'm afraid of stepping out in faith because it's difficult for me to trust that my instincts might be God Himself talking to me.
And yet, it seems so clearly, from many different directions, that God is actually taking me exactly to that: Stepping out of my character, becoming visible, doing things that I don't consider myself being any good at. But God knows better.
First, God made me write songs. I was almost 20 years old at that time, and it had never occurred to me that I might even try writing songs. But I did try. And today, one of them is being sung all over Europe amongst the music of world famous composers! Some songs have been spread around Finland, and at least one has flown to Russia, too. Not all of them are great, not even good, but to me every one of them is a God-given gift. Because writing songs is so much out of my character.
Along with songs came the poems. I had been writing those during my teen years, but it was nothing worth saving. But with songs, I started to have poems, too. Some of them become songs, some don't. But many of them have been given the honour of being God's letters to His children. Letters that have helped or comforted my brothers and sisters in Christ. And that's the best possible reward for me, only thing I want from them.
Now it seems that God also wants me to sing my own songs. Publicly. And that is the scariest thing in the world I can imagine! I'd rather go to the dentist or have a migraine than sing in front of an audience. And yet, that is the direction God is taking me into. I don't know when or where, but I've promised Him, that if and when the time comes, I'll obey Him, no matter how scary it is.
Then there's this journal. Glen has been pushing me to start writing it (he will never admit having done that, though), but I've fought back. I didn't want to commit myself to it. To become so visible. And, what if I didn't find anything to write about? Also there's the language issue.
I was born in Finland and all my close relatives are Finnish. My first language is Finnish. I have studied English, Swedish and Germany at school, and haven't really travelled a lot. All my poems, prose and songs I write in Finnish. But these days many texts have been in English - even if I tried to write them in Finnish first. And translating your own text into your own language - isn't that at least somewhat out of character?
Somehow, when Glen mentioned the journal for the first time, I already knew it would happen. But I was scared - still am - and didn't want to listen to the nagging voice in my heart. But today, when reading Glen's text and talking to him, I gave up. I said to God: "All right. I'll do it. If You show me how. If you give me courage, wisdom, time, energy, concentration. And if You give me all the stuff I need to write a journal. I'll do it."
So here I am. Probably not every day, but every once in a while. God knows how to win our free will on His side. Gently, lovingly. Please bear with me. The choice is yours, anyway. You can read, or you can choose not to read. But I have to write, and I'll do it with praise in my heart. Praise to the Living God.
-e-
Comments
Alice
Written on on 2005-02-12 07:50:10
Hi eija,
I could relate to your post, because I am pretty shy too. I totally relate :)
eija
Written on on 2005-02-11 11:38:34
Thank you, every one of you. Your encouraging words and warm hearts behind them really mean a lot to me. God bless you!
-e-
Northrose Written on on 2005-02-10 15:31:42
eija
Just want to say that this is so well written and obviously straight from the heart and open and honest. Thanks so much for sharing. I love it when people are just open and honest in sharing. It makes us realise we are not the only ones who go through stuff.
God bless you so much.
Northrose
David
Written on on 2005-02-10 14:52:02
a launching out into uncharted territory for you - eija, I wish you well! Bon Voyage
may not (amy)
Written on on 2005-02-09 20:05:30
eija!
what a wonderful new beginning. you will learn and enjoy much on this journey. keep up the good work!
Debs
Written on on 2005-02-09 19:17:45
Your writing is inspiring. Thanks eija.
lorna
Written on on 2005-02-09 17:06:58
oh eija
this is beautiful
Lord thank you for all that you have already been doing in eija's life
Glen
Written on on 2005-02-09 16:12:04
eija, this is so cool.
Lord, bless this endevour, it's author and it's content. May it reach out to those i need and touch hearts in a way nothing else can. Amen